金邊的Foreign Correspondent Club (FCC)小孩子看到這車子應該很開心吧洞里薩河，對岸是分開洞里薩河和湄公河的三角洲洞里薩河旁的健身設施初一當天有武會在街頭表演我看到的唯一一條公車路線─1號線洞里薩河，長長的河道我只看過前方那道大橋街頭兒童在赤腳踢籐球還有翻橡筋繩，這些昔日小學的玩意在這裏重現了可樂樽盛的是甚麼飲品？汽油不少韓國品牌都有在柬埔寨開設專賣店/陳列店難得一見(但不是唯一)的摩登商廈
走著走著我來到National University of Management。大概因為已過了下課時間，整間校舍也空空的，僅有個別課室外有一些人在等候，教員室也只有少數教員在。以香港的角度來看，這所大學的規模和香港的中學差不多，如果論設備則更差得遠了。但是小小的校舍裏也有提供管理、旅遊、經濟等學科，甚至有開辦博士課程呢。
參觀(=潛入)金邊的National University of ManagementNational University of Management學校似乎以Jayavarman VII為效法對象校內課室，不說還以為是中學課室National University of Management內的公共空間不知為啥學校多處地方都貼有和交通有關的海報又或是關於交通規則的海報3年的博士課程….
從National University of Management走不了多遠，我來到這個傳說中的金邊鐵道站。出發前看過網頁寫著，柬埔寨暫时只有貨運但沒有客運列車，不知道現在還是否這樣。但在一些偏遠的地區，當地的居民會自製竹火車，成為唯一的載客列車，近年甚至成為旅客的觀光玩意呢。
Holocaust生還者Primo Levi對於納粹屠殺猶太人一慘劇曾作出這樣評論︰“If there is one thing sure in this world, it is certainly this: that it will not happen to us a second time." 若果他泉下有知看到1975年的柬埔寨，恐怕他會後悔說過這句說話。
今天金邊的Choeung Ek Genocidal Center(Killing field)和Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum (S21)成為赤柬暴行的最有力証據，S21是赤柬審問和迫害犯人的地方，估計有2萬人在此被殺；Killing Field則名符其實是集體行刑場，很多未有在S21被殺的犯人便會運至此地作最終行刑，單是現場的土坑便發掘出近9000具骸骨。
“Even if you raise a pig you have to give food to the pig, but for me I only got a spoonful of very thin gruel."
另一名生還者Mr Vann nath這樣寫道(我看了很多遍才明他的意思)︰
“It is only the comparison of our life during that time because we were entitled the status as human beings although we were detained, then we would be treated different from animals because even animals, domestic animals, would be fed or would be given food and would never been kicked days and nights like that. When human being was deprived of their movement and we were inflicted with tortures, physically and mentally, and that’s why I could I assume that we were between animals and human beings.
…
So with such a view for the last days when I was there, I lost my hope when I compared my detentions to the sector and the zone prison, I could not have any hope. “
眼前的行刑場故然令人感到心寒，但赤柬的罪行還不止如此。我想起去旅行前看的"First They Killed My Father"，作者Loung Ung在五歲時經歷了赤柬的統治，她一家九人(父母加七名子女)最後只有五人捱過這三年大屠殺歲月，父母及一名妹妹先後被擄走，之後音訊全無；一名姐姐則病死。Loung最終逃至美國，並將經歷寫成該書︰
在赤柬「解放」金邊後，Loung一家人被驅趕至鄉村，她是這樣形容村內各個階層︰
Though we are all supposed to be equal, there are nonetheless three levels of citizenship in the village. The first-class citizenry comprises the chief, who has authority over the whole village, his aides, and the Khmer Rouge soldiers. They are all base people and the Khmer Rouge cadres. They have the power to teach, police, judge, and execute. They make all decisions: work details, food rations per family, severity of punishment. They are the eyes and ears of the Angkar at the local level. They report all activities to the Angkar and have full power to enforce the Angkar’s law.
Then there are the base people. If the first-class citizens are the all-powerful brutal teachers, the base people are the bullies who work closely with them. Though they are not omnipotent like the first-class citizenry, they lead almost autonomous lives away from the prying eyes of the soldiers. They live in their own houses on the other side of the village, separate from us. The base people do not eat communally or work with the new people. However, they are often seen on our side of the village, patrolling the area and telling us what to do. Many are the village, patrolling the area and telling us what to do. Many are related to the first-class citizens and keep the chief informed of our day-to-day activities.
The new people are considered the lowest in the village structure. They have no freedom of speech, and must obey the other classes. The new people are those who lived in cities and have been forced out to the villages. They cannot farm like the rural people. They are suspected of having no allegiance to the Angkar and must be kept under an ever watchful eye for signs of rebellion. They have led corrupt lives and must be trained to be productive workers. To instill a sense of loyalty to the Angkar and break what the Khmer Rouge views as an inadequate urban work ethic, the new people are given the hardest work and the longest hours.
Even among the new people there are different classes. Those who were formally students or involved in professions such as civil service, medicine, art, or teaching are considered morally corrupt. Then it’s the ethnic Vietnamese, Chinese, and other minority groups who are considered racially corrupt. When asked about jobs in their former lives, the new people lie and claim to be poor peasants, like Pa did, or small shopkeepers. In the Khmer Rouge agrarian society, only good workers are valuable, all others are expendable. Thus, the new people must work extremely hard to prove they are worth more alive than dead. Pa says because we are different—Chinese-Cambodian—we will have to work harder than the others.
在村內，所有物資都需要共享︰
A man in our village came upon a stray dog in the road one day. The poor dog did not have much meat on it, but the man killed and ate it anyway. The next day, the soldiers arrived at the man’s door. He cried and begged for mercy, but they did not pay any attention to him. He raised his arms as a shield, but they did not protect him from the blows of the soldiers’ sts and rie stocks. He was never seen again after the soldiers took him away. His crime was that he did not share the dog meat with the community.
為了生存，Loung的哥哥成為村長的孩子的「玩伴」，以換得村長的殘餘飯菜︰
Over the next few weeks, Kim and the chief’s children become fast friends, and they allow Kim to bring us their leftovers every night. It is clear from the red marks on his face, cheeks, and legs that Kim suffers abuses from his new “friends” who spit at him and beat him. However, at ten years old, Kim knows he has to endure their cruelty to help feed his family. Each morning as he walks o to the chief’s house, Ma watches and whispers, “My poor little monkey, my poor little monkey.” In appearance, Kim is beginning to look more and more like a monkey. His black hair is sheared close to his head and thinned from malnutrition, exposing his large forehead. Brown skin stretches over his gaunt face, making his eyes and teeth appear to bulge, too big for his young boy’s face. Though I lower my head as his black-clad figure disappears, I am grateful for the extra food he brings us.
Once alone outside the compound, I am wracked with guilt for what I have done. The fist-sized rice ball rests weightily in my pocket as the face of the old woman comes back to me. Her gray oily hair clings to her skull and her chest contracts and expands in shallow breaths beneath her black clothes. Her lids are half closed, exposing the whites of her eyes. Her helpers will return to nd the rice missing and they will have nothing more to give to her. Knowing she will die anyway, they may forget about her. By taking her food I have helped kill her. But I cannot return the rice. I lift it to my lips as salty tears drip into my throat. The hard rice scrapes down in a dry lump, thus I put a marker on the old woman’s grave.
勤奮工作的Loung被送到高一級的訓練營，接受軍事訓練︰
It is very easy to train someone to use weapons,” she replies, “but to train the mind is much more difficult. I have been training your mind all these months. I have tried my best to place Pol Pot’s words in your head and to tell you the truth about the Youns. Children must be taught to follow orders without hesitation, without question, and to shoot and kill even their traitor parents. That is the first step in the training.”
“I still remembered that it was not until I was electrocuted till unconscious twice, two of my toe nails was taking off, and that my fingers were broken when I took my hand to cover my back from repeat wooden stick beaten that I had to confess the mistake that has nothing to do with me at all. “
這又讓我想起Zimbardo教授所寫的《路西法效應》，真正讓慘劇發生、並且讓它持續擴大的，就是一個個沒有站出來、冷眼旁觀的平常人，我這樣說不是批評那些存活下來的柬埔寨人在當年苟且偷生是如何的懦弱──畢竟若果我在他們的位置恐怕也會採取同樣的行動。但是客觀地看，波爾布特一個人是沒法殺死二百萬人，而是透過一名名赤柬士兵的協助及其他人默許下完成的。這份平凡之惡(banality of evil)，就是我們要記著的教訓。當然從近代歷史來看，人類似乎還未從這堂歷史課中緊記這個教訓，否則大規模的屠殺便不會繼續在盧旺達、南斯拉夫及達爾科等地出現，恐怕人類距離修畢這門課還有很長時間。
尋找柬埔寨的美麗與哀愁 